you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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