I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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