my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
