you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
