she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
