I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
