Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I looked at my own cervix.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
