how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
