Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
