how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
this is an emotional support booty call
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
