the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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