If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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