garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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