i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
