Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize