I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
