I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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