u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
