i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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