clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
