There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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