So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm both gender and math confused
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize