I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
