Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
