just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
