I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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