But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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