at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize