hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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