He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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