He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
