o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
