Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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