this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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