Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
