is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I can't trust your balls anymore.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
