so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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