I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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