I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize