im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
