I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
