Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize