Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
is it fun? or sober?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
