I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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