do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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