What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
