we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
