News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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