They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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