the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
