i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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