Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
40s are totally the cure
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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