I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
