Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
