oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
