I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Let's paint friendship bongs
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
