Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
