I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
