He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
