these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
