She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
