Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
