wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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