just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize