I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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