I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
