Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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