we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
